It was depression’s turn to take the lead today. I woke up feeling weighted down. I wanted nothing more than to stay home and relax with my kids. It was a physical ache to leave them.
I have come to use my drive as a time to let myself ride whatever I’m feeling. To give myself the space to fall apart-emotionally. I take back roads where I can take it easy and enjoy the views. Farms, trees, streams, cows, horses, goats, and all kinds of Nature to help soothe my soul. As I get closer to town and work, I begin to calm and focus on preparing for what I will be doing that day. I shift my focus to the task ahead. It’s been helpful.
I had been getting myself ready for a long day with a sinking, sucking, pit feeling in my gut, tensing and stiffening my muscles. I made it through my first appointment (every client always gets my best every time, no matter what’s going on with me. If I don’t think I can do that, I reschedule) and looked to see that my next appointment had canceled. I took that opportunity to check out this park nearby that I have been meaning to scope out for a while. It was exactly what I needed. I stood by the stream and walked up and down the path next to it while knitting a hat. It was wonderful.
I do my very best to make time to take care of my mental health on a regular basis. It almost isn’t even a second thought. I’ve built rituals and habits into my daily life that help me keep myself on track. But even with all that effort, these episodes will sneak up. And sometimes life sees that struggle, despite all my best efforts, and cuts me a break. Gives me some time to breathe in the trees, feel my hands creating something from nothing, and just be.
By the time I got back to work I was ready for the rest of my day and my return home was that much sweeter.