My body and I have had an adventure of a journey together. I’m sad to say I have deliberately cut myself off from this organic machine at different points in my life. Understanding that I had to in order to survive doesn’t make this treacherous journey of reconnection any easier.
We’ve been through massive changes before. Feelings of betrayal and wonder. Discoveries of impossible strength and courage. Joys so great I felt like bursting. This body and I have been doing it all together.
The flood of relief at being heard and validated is crushing. The dark regressions of freshly unearthed skeletons exhaust me as I’m poked and prodded to discover the source of my latest troubles. My body unable to separate past trauma from our current reality. My brain desperately trying to provide comfort while wishing for it as well.
I’m almost frozen. Something is wrong, but how wrong is yet to be determined. Normal life still happens. Crazier than ever. I take the moments I can to fall apart- relieve the pressure enough to live my life.
It’s being fully immersed in the present moment that allows joy to be felt. Not chasing the woes of the future.