The Epic Granny Square Jacket

This is the tale of the granny square car jacket. A technicolor vision that took almost a year of dedication from a person I barely remember at the moment.

It all began with a pattern in a magazine and some yarn that had been bought in bulk and set aside for a special project. My favorite hues of red, purple, and blue, with a few accent shades. The model’s jacket was done in that awful 60’s combination of yellow, orange, and brown. It takes me right back to the apartment that we lived in for years after my grandparents had moved out. The kitchen was done in those colors with those 60’s flowers. The counters were orange; the cabinets dark brown. They even left us their yellow kitchen table. (The dinning room had a glass chandelier and velvet wallpaper. One of the bedrooms was puke green. There had definitely been some interesting choices made.) Needless to say, it is a color scheme I do not like and they used black as a border.

And so began the granny squares. I wrote my own color code to use and decided to stick with changing the yarns as the pattern called for. After a few squares the pattern was memorized and I fell into a rhythm each time I sat down. It was quite the sensation to be creating such a large piece for myself. And out of granny squares! I always loved the granny square clothes and blankets. There are over 200 squares in this jacket. Then the weaving began!

This pattern, like many in magazines, was off in a few places, I kept changing how many of each square I should make based on the picture, then on the written pattern, then according to the guide, then the picture again. After several months of crocheting and a couple for rest, I began sewing them all together, but first, I had to lay it all out because my self-striping yarn gave me a varied color palette to work with. I wanted to get the balance of colors right.

This is also where I sewed all the ends in. Usually that would drive me nuts, but it just became part of the process.

So I get the front panels all sewn together while I’m finishing a few of the squares for the back. Next I started putting the sleeves together. It was so much more relaxing than I have ever recalled. Then it was time to lay out the back panel to make sure the colors were balanced.

Yep. Apparently I made 5 of the wrong colors and had to make even more squares. By this point I was beginning to lose my patience, but I am determined. I switched between sewing and crocheting for the next couple weeks. Everything was coming together. I was getting closer to done and I noticed something funny. The front was longer than the back by one row. One row. I had to make 5 more squares when I thought I was done with them. I decided to try my hand at steam-blocking to give myself a break and it definitely calmed me down.

And then… And then it was done. Buttons and everything. My posture was slumped. My shoulders tight. But it was all worth it.

See, this jacket was more than just a challenging, frustrating, and rewarding project. It was me coming back to my craft. Coming back to myself. Not only had the difficulties of our lives been exhausting, but it had left me shattered into dust; barely holding shape. Everything and everyone else was my focus because the thought of actually dealing with myself was more than I could handle.

Creating the jacket was part of putting myself together again. Reshaping and reforming parts that belonged and were familiar and comforting. Then learning what had changed and what was new. When I wear this jacket I can feel myself again.

Since then I’ve been pretty unstoppable. I keep working on myself- as always. I’m still a bit dusty, some crumbling bits, but I have found myself. Again. And it feels good.

Next Up

Just as I predicted. The wrap was not meant for me, but for my bright and moody middle child. She had her eye on it for a while and made sure I knew it. I am happy she enjoys it. It was fun to knit up and I’m bursting with shawl and wrap ideas from the experience. Besides, she always loves a good photo shoot.

I am really thrilled to be starting on my Wonder Woman wrap (https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/wonder-woman-wrap-knit). I even bought a new comic volume and came across a Wonder Woman cooperative game that I’m trying to convince my daughters to give a second chance. The practice round had them writhing with boredom and they actually ran up to bed without being told twice! I’m sure I can get them to give it another go. Maybe a few alterations will help.

It’s funny to think I was going to do a different color scheme for Wonder Woman, but when I was showing the pictures to my father, he had me go back to one that I flew past looking for the one that I wanted to show him. As soon as he had me stop on that one, I said never mind. I’m doing that color scheme and he said it was the only one that was actually Wonder Woman. So now I’m doing blue on the bottom. The W’s are still yellow, and then the top will be red. Way to go dad!

I love talking about my knitting with my dad. I try not to talk his ear off about it, but I see him remembering his mother when I go on about color choice and skeins, and making yarn balls. I can see the little boy sitting by his mother holding her yarn for her, or wrapping it up while she worked on a sweater. They are some of his happier memories and it brings me some peace with her spirit. I feel a little more connected to my roots sharing my art and passion with my dad. Such a quiet man, but his eyes say it all.

Read This Next!

I have always been a bit of an optimist. Some people might disagree with me on that and I’ll admit there were times when I doubted my optimism. But life has done its best to show me the truth in humanity. People are, in fact, innately good.

Over the years I’ve been given examples or instances that prove the opposite. I have been laughed at, or ignored. The only thing those people have proven to me is how misguided we all are about who we really are and what our lives really should look like.

Then I heard about this guy that was speaking up against the wealthy and their tax loopholes at their own conference. Rutger Bregman. At this point I was intrigued. I watched an interview with him on The Daily Show and went out and bought “Utopia for Realists”. Incredible book. He definitely does his research and I love that he even tries to prove himself wrong as much as he tries to prove himself right. It was exactly the tonic I needed.

Then 2020 happened. Things have been feeling pretty hopeless on a grand scale. A friend of mine shared that his next book was coming out and I preordered it. “Humankind: A Hopeful History”. I cannot recommend this book enough. I’m savoring every chapter. Finally, proof that we are actually good. Proof that we are meant to be living life differently. Proof that I’m not delusional. It’s a balm to my soul.

Go check out “Humankind: A Hopeful History” by Rutger Bregman. Seriously, you won’t regret it.

Sewing Distractions

It seems I’ve been rekindling old skills from my youth. The ones I fell in love with and just made sense to me, but never lasted through the jumble of life. One of those is counted cross-stitch. I bought a unicorn pattern for my girls, only to find that it was blank, so now I’m working on the unicorns while my girls work on the new ones that are printed that I got them later.

The girls are really excited to work on their own and I love how quiet they are while working on them! I also love that they are getting into some of the things I like to do.

I also finally pulled out my sewing machine for the first time. My mother-in-law gave it to me years and years ago. She tried buying me supplies as a separate trip, but she’s not very direct and I’m not good at figuring these things out. So she bought me a bunch of yarn and some knitting supplies. Oops.

It’s small, it’s easy to use, and best of all it’s mine. So I picked up a few colors of thread and some fabric to start making some masks. I definitely do not have enough for both work and my days off. The ones we have, the ear loops are basically gone from wearing them just a couple of times. And now that we are taking the girls to stores for short trips, they need masks they like to wear.

I had each of them pick out fabric they liked and I found some flannel squares to use as liners. I made sure to buy some pins too. And the hair ties for the ear bands. It definitely took a few tries. I have no pattern and no printer to print a pattern. Someone I work with did give me one of her masks, which are so comfortable, so I wanted to make that shape. Using that mask I figured out what to do.

These were the first few. I started by trying to make the girls masks, as they use less fabric. I didn’t quite figure out the need for a hem stitch until later. And it wasn’t until the last couple I just made for my dad that I realized it helps to cut the extra fabric from the nose and chin fold I sew in.

The girls really enjoy their masks and I will be making more. It has been so much fun playing with my sewing machine! But that also means that my shawl that should have been done a week ago is still waiting to be finished. I have been working on it, but not much. My Wonder Woman shawl is just yarn skeins still and I haven’t finished copying over the pattern.

Oh well. I’ll get to it eventually. I really just want to finish making all the masks I have plans for and then figure out where and how I’m going to start storing my sewing machine and supplies. I really don’t want to put it back in the box.

Well, happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there and hopefully I can help my husband have a good one.

Some Thoughts While Not Knitting

Monday nights are now the official start of my weekend. That means I’m currently end-of-the-week tired. My knitting sat right next to me. I even held it for a little while; enjoying the feel of the stitches I’ve made, the dips in the needle tips, worn in from use. I’ve stopped being upset with myself for these ‘wasted’ evenings.

With the amount of knitting I’ve been doing the last few months (even before quarantine happened) there will be nights when, as much as my hands and soul crave the work, I am simply more in need of the rest. Last night was one of those nights. It was also a night for me to get lost in one of my favorite shows: Good Witch.

I love the way magic is portrayed as being simple and more a use of personal will than spells and high ritual. I love the Earth based nature of it. I’ve also noticed that the older I get, the more I enjoy things taking their time. People enjoying the relationships they have without always trying to advance them. When those relationships do evolve, they are so much sweeter. And right now, it provides me with a comfort that leaves me smiling.

I’ve almost always been a more hopeful person, even in my darker years. I can’t think of a time when I ever really lost faith in humanity. Even when we fled our home due to violence and the police refused to help almost at all (I even remember one laughing as my parents explained what was happening to us and proudly tell them -in front of their kids- that there was nothing they could do. Nothing they were going to do) there were still so many people in our lives that came and helped us through that time. Even at great personal risk.

See, I grew up in an interesting city, and my perspective of it will always be a bit jaded to a child’s. We left our city shortly before I became a teenager. Not because we were fleeing violence, but so my mother could continue her education and pursue her calling. The city I grew up in suffers from crime, violence, drugs, racism, and the rest. Just like any other city. We also have roots from all over the world. Irish, German, Polish, Italian, African, Jewish, Arab, Greek, Indian, Macedonian, Puerto Rican, and Native American, to name the more dominant places of origin. I grew up learning how to celebrate all these cultures and differences, but at the same time, I knew that racism existed.

I watched it in my school. I saw how some teachers treated us all as individuals deserving of respect, and others who saw something different. I watched how our white-male principle tried to intimidate our black-female vice principle (who was an amazing influence on me even though I hardly knew her. Watching how she got things done in a broken system was inspiring, even to a nine year old). I watched it in the streets and at stores. Some places everyone was treated the same, other places I saw the difference. Even as a child, I could appreciate our celebration of diversity as a city, and still see the built in inequality. I could still see the faults in the system. I was raised to speak up.

This has been something on my mind lately. It can’t just be that I was raised in a city that showed me diversity working. I’ve even spoken with a few people about it and they do not remember the rosy pictures on tv that I do. Since that first conversation, I’ve caught a few bits and pieces of some of those shows and thought about what they were teaching. See, I grew up in the 90’s, a decade my mom and I have been referring to it as the illusion of peace decade. I remember that the tv shows I watched had a lot of diversity, and I don’t just mean a mix of black and white. I mean diversity. I watched shows that were predominantly one or the other too. These shows did not ignore that diversity, and instead the characters were often excited about it and wanted to learn from each other. They also addressed the hate and ignorance they would experience in their lives. Head on. Talk about it. Support each other through it. Make plans to help change things. I don’t see that in tv anymore. It all feels so divided these days. It definitely seems less diverse than I recall.

But back to that idea that I had this exposure because of city life. My parents were very deliberate about what they allowed us to watch. My mom made an effort to find these shows and we often watched tv together. Our mom made sure to discuss what we were watching with us. To this day, it amazes my siblings and I that other kids did not have this. Other people were never taught to critically look at what they were consuming and to fully appreciate the messages everyone involved in its creation was trying to convey.

So, not only did I have exposure to programs with diversity, but I had parents who talked about these things with us. Us being white didn’t mean we got a free pass on these issues. We were right in the middle of it. I also had a mother that wasn’t afraid to learn new things and encouraged our questions (except maybe on those end-of-the-week tired nights!). She was always as honest as she could be. My parents also had quite the community of people for us to grow up in. All these adults that respected each of us and our intelligence and our curiosity.

I have come to understand that I was given quite the rare gift of a childhood. We endured hardships, terror, upheaval, and been right in the middle of a lot of difficult things, but I was raised in a loving and supporting home with a lot of people to enforce my worth and personal power. I was teased at school, insulted, and verbally abused, but it didn’t leave the scar it could have because of the love I had growing up.

I was raised to know how to keep myself safe, but also how to stand up for what is right and how to notice when things aren’t right. I was raised to listen to others, because only they can tell you about their experience. Respect for other people and the earth was constantly reinforced. We were shown true love in action.

On nights like this, when I’m too tired to knit, but not enough to actually go to sleep, I remember that love and simply let myself relax into a wholesome and heart-warming show. I remind myself that good exists. All the ugliness can wait until tomorrow.

Who Else Loves Wonder Woman?

Wonder Woman has always been my favorite. Always. My older brother was really into comics for a long time and would give me his old Wonder Woman comics because they were worthless to him. I, of course, could not understand this. Those few comics were some of my more treasured possessions.

I loved her calmness and sweetness, as much as her fierceness and physical strength. I loved that she was soft, as much as I loved how tough she was. To have a female in such a male dominated world, standing all on her own, and being a fully developed character was amazing. Her strength didn’t come from any patriarchal force. Her strength was wholly feminine. Her innocence in certain matters also struck a cord with me. I too, could not understand these social constructs that we created and continued to uphold, even knowing they don’t make sense. I loved having a character like me that could see all the good despite all the ugly in the world.

Most of all I loved her pursuit of Truth and peace in spite of ridicule and calls for swift violence. She is a unique Feminist icon, created by a peculiar man. On one of our special trips to Barnes and Noble, just the girls and myself, I happened across a book, about the history of Wonder Woman. Absolutely fascinating! I’m a huge nerd and really enjoy learning everything I can about things that I really enjoy. I don’t tend to get obsessive (except maybe with knitting), but I do get enthusiastic. I highly recommend The Secret of Wonder Woman by Jill Lepore if you’re a fan of all things Wonder Woman.

As an adult, I no longer have to make due with my brother’s second hand comics (although I think I have those comics tucked away somewhere safe). I am working on collecting the Universe Rebirth series of Wonder Woman. The first one is brilliant in creating the setting for the rest and I’m reading them for the third time. Eventually I may buy some of the older issues. And of course her stand-alone movie is awesome!

As a crafter, I love to create things that fulfill my nerdy desire to have and wear items from my favorite stories. This is a plastic canvas sleeve I made for spare pads. I don’t actually use these pads anymore (I found organic cotton ones that are just heavenly!), but I keep the sleeve around. I just free-handed the W’s. Sometimes I impress myself. Recently, I stumbled across a Wonder Woman wrap pattern on Ravelry. It took me forever to make a Ravelry account and now that I have I’m so delighted. (https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/wonder-woman-wrap-knit)

I am writing the pattern out by hand so I can break it up in a way that keeps me on track. There are a few stitches I’ve never done before, which is even more exciting. My preference on her color scheme is the new version. I love the maroon color, and that she’s got more bronze than gold and some silver. So here are the colors I chose. The red is called Claret. It will be red with the yellow W’s taking up most of the shawl, then I’m using the blue as a border for the W‘s. I’m really excited!

Hopefully I can finish that Summer shawl I’ve been working on tonight. I try not to knit before work so my fingers don’t cramp during a massage. Then I can block it and finish copying the pattern over, so hopefully I can start the wrap tomorrow, on my day off. These are the things that make me happy.

Just a Few Dishes

One of my favorite breakfasts! I have to admit though, I don’t usually eat until brunch-time. It takes a few cups of coffee for me to be awake enough. And then I make myself something like this! It’s left-over sweet potato hash with peppers and an egg scrambled in. Super easy! It keeps me going for a long time.

More roasted dinners! I absolutely love working in the kitchen, putting it all together, getting it in the oven, and walking away. The first one is leftover potato and sausage casserole. Since my girls ate all the Brussels sprouts, I added broccoli for some vegetable. Another night, I put some ham in the oven with sliced sweet potatoes and heated up some frozen green beans in the stove. I always add honey and brown sugar to any ham I bake. Last is yet another chicken sausage and Brussels sprout casserole. I made some mashed potatoes on the stovetop. Again, the girls loved the sprouts.

When the weather outside starts to heat up, I like to make large pasta bowels that are easy for us to eat all week. We were unable to have tomatoes with our pasta as my kids will be turning into them one day and left none for us. This one does have black and green olives, cheddar and mozzarella cheeses, pieces of pepperoni, and yellow peppers (the kids ate all the red peppers too) all tossed with Italian dressing.

After allowing my kids too much YouTube time these past few weeks, my older two (especially my middle one) has decided they would prefer to be vegetarians like one of their favorite YouTubers. At first I was really upset. We don’t have a meat heavy diet as it is. Burgers and BLT’s are a special treat around here. Now I’m kind of excited to be getting more into some vegetarian dishes. I’ve gone meatless a few times in my life. It will be fun to do it with my girls.

Another One Done

Another project done. I do enjoy how quickly bulky yarn works up. I do not enjoy how heavy it is and the strain on my wrists just moving stitches around. I’m still trying to work out the knots in my left thumb pad and down my forearm from holding all that weight! But it’s done and I’m excited. I want to try to drop it off to my friend today.

This is a top-down shawl. I used the basic yo on either end and each side of the cable on the right side of the piece for increasing. I didn’t count to ensure I cabled on the correct row. I just eyeballed it. I did not want perfection. I’m quite proud of the edging. I made a plan and it worked! That’s always exciting, right?

And now I am focusing my efforts on this beauty. I’m still undecided as to whether I like it, but I’m having fun knitting it, so I’m game for figuring it out when it’s done.

Then there is my sister’s sweater. I have to sit down and finish writing out the pattern from the charts I made. I keep changing my mind on the color for her, but her tastes have changed as she’s gotten older. She also started doing one of those clothing boxes and keeps what she likes and sends back what she doesn’t, so she is finding herself wearing things she might not have ordinarily not thought to before. This also means her color palate has changed. It seems I’m making everyone in my family a green sweater this year!

Or I could make my husband happy and finally start working on his sweater…

Back to Work

It is wonderful being back at work! It’s a bit strange. We have less people working at the same time. We stagger appointments to keep up the physical distancing. We have masks on, high-tech air filtration systems, hospital grade cleaners, and a few other things have changed to keep everyone as safe as we can.

I have to say the hardest part about being back to work is not being able to hug each other. It is so hard for us massage therapists! We speak through touch. It’s a physical sensation in my hands and my arms to want to touch to communicate. Even with that, all of us are so happy to be able to touch again. To see clients we have been working with for years or some we are just getting to know. The world needs more compassionate healing right now.

During these tumultuous times in this country and around the globe, many are taking up the call to action. Protestors, medics, spiritual leaders, activists, news casters,… all have been stepping up. In large numbers. Even politicians are starting to listen. And I applaud them and am grateful to them all, but I cannot be any of those. As much as I want to march or lead an organization that helps, it’s not my path.

I am a mother to young children. Raising them to be the best versions of themselves is my path towards a better future. I am a friend to many who have suffered these injustices their whole life. Listening to them, being a sounding board, hearing their stories and offering them support is my contribution to the cause. I am a sister, daughter, in-law, cousin, niece, aunt,… I support my extended family and call out the ignorance and judgement. I will hold all of my family to the high standard of treating every life with respect and worth. No matter that person’s history. I will lose family over my ideas and ideals. So be it. I will not remain silent.

Most of all I am a healer. Not as in this is my power or ability. This is the role I have been given. My whole life has led me to being able help others on their journey. To remind them of their own value and power. I don’t heal people. That’s not what I mean when I call myself a healer. I am simply here to care for you and guide you to your own healing. What I do makes no difference unless you want to heal. I’ve had clients where I continue to work the same issues over and over because the person has chosen to not heal, or is not ready to just yet. I’ve also had clients who patiently waited for results from the massage, put in the hard work of exercising, stretching, resting, and hydrating, and have had incredible results. It’s not me. I’m just showing you what you already know, but maybe forgot.

So as I get back into the swing of holding space for others, I am also reminded to hold space for myself. When it’s just me, I get lazy. When I need to take care of others, my health becomes a priority. Speaking of, I think it’s time for some Reiki and crystal Chakra work. The world is heavy right now. Make some space, and let the healing begin!

All Done and a few WIPs

I am very excited to say I finished the sweaters! All three of my girls have a similar sweater made to their style and with their favorite colors. Just in time for me to head back to work.

Now I’ve started a shawl for a friend. I love the beginning of a shawl. It starts to work up so quickly. Then the rows get longer and longer, and longer… The color changes I added to this one has been helping, but I don’t think the cable on the needles I’m using is long enough. Oh well, it’ll work.

I’m also really antsy to finish a vest for my brother. It was suppose to be a scarf, but it’s so wide I don’t think it will work. I don’t want to buy more yarn, and he can pull off a cable vest. Now, I have to figure out how to make a vest. And strangely I’m not dreading the seaming.

Then there is my Spring/Summer shawl I would like to finish in time to enjoy it this Summer. I’m still not sure if I like it, or if it will end up going to one of my daughters. I’m committed to it now and refuse to undo it. I may end up loving it and having them steal it from me anyway. I keep trying to convince them to knit their own. They’re both pretty good at it as beginners. If they kept at it they’d be amazing, but I won’t pressure them. Maybe someday they will make me shawls and sweaters. Hmm. A gal can dream.