When Death Comes Sudden

I have never experienced the loss of someone close. Mostly older people where it wasn’t unexpected. A kid who died tragically that babysat us a few times. Family I never really knew.

Last week, my sister lost her husband. My younger sister is now a widow. One of my nightmares is now my sister’s reality. He was such a good man and he was so good to my sister.

As all of us gathered in her house, swooping in as fast as we could, it struck me that you never see this in film or in books. Leave it to me to look at fiction to make sense of real life.

There are the gut melting realities of life insurance, multiple death certificates, canceling doctor and dentist appointments that will never be rescheduled. There are credit cards and streaming subscriptions. There’s remembering he’s not there to help her anymore.

We all kept trying to keep the house clean. A difficult feat with so many people staying and visiting. But a clean house was important to him. I wiped the counters and talked to him. I swept and mopped and did the laundry. I picked up dirty tissues and finished dishes. We all found tasks to keep us busy in between sitting with my sister. The young widow.

The kids were great, which can be worrying. I kept trying to talk to them, but I was rather preoccupied with my sister. Their father sat with them. He played with them. He took care of the dog too, who’s missing his playmate. He cooked a few times and even took the kids to an aquarium. He kept it together for my sister. For his sister.

It’s strange coming back home to our lives. He wants us all to keep going, but it all feels so different now. To have sat with my sister as she ordered a widow bracelet and ring. As she picked charms for the bracelet he had given her. Ordering a new dress to say goodbye in. To watch her say goodbye.

Now I’m back to making doctor appointments, dealing with insurance, far away dentist visits, and the daily grind of work and kids. I’m back to trying to put our house in order while we’re barely holding our heads above water. And we’re getting ready to make the long drive back to my sister’s to give my mom a break.