Unexpected Service

We all knew this Christmas would be different. Each time we do something that he should have been here for makes it more real. It hurts more.

My sister has been going to a grief group for a few months now. (I can’t believe it’s been four and a half months.) The minister who leads it actually serves at a small Lutheran church, not at the church where the group meets. He is very much like the pastors we knew as kids and so my sister decided to try his church. She has been going for a couple months now.

I’m constantly reminded these days of how unique our childhood was. How unusual it was to be raised by a village of friends and family. To find a church family that lived as they spoke and led with genuine love. I may not want to raise my own kids that way, but there are many reasons I mourn the loss of that for them.

I didn’t want to go to the Christmas Eve service. My kids were nervous about the unfamiliar and did not want to go. My husband secretly wanted to be asked to go. He did not grow up in the church and I think he sometimes wishes to have that family time for us. Trouble is, those churches are rare.

So we all went to support my sister. I instantly understood how my sister could feel comfortable here. The foyer was laid back and comfortable. The people were welcoming without being overbearing. The pastor was genuine and warm. Even the small sanctuary felt homey and familiar.

As the service began, I tried to soothe my kids nerves and relax into memories. Our youngest nervously joined the kids procession around the room and then excitedly returned to the front for the children’s story time. By the end I was in tears and feeling very blessed.

My sister still doesn’t understand how this can all be important and moving to me, but still won’t claim to be Christian anymore. That’s ok. I’m not bothered by her thinking I am. It was just really nice to share this with her.

That evening I thought we were all doing my sister a service. Instead, it served us all. It made our loss feel a little less overwhelming.