Did Not See That Coming

I’m still in the thick of it. The wild whirl of tasks and appointments crowding daily life. Processing evolving information and feelings.

I made a very big change. A change I have every right to talk about, but it’s so big, and so fresh, I’m not sure I’m comfortable enough to be specific.

I knew it was coming, but I still tried. I still hoped. But I trusted myself. My nervous system. And what my kids were showing me. What they were saying to me.

Working through the system and with resources makes it so much more obvious than I had been willing to see. It’s been heart wrenching to listen to the kids, especially knowing that they’re speaking now because they feel safe to.

I have had a lot of support. I am so very grateful for the amazing people in my life. I am so grateful that I made sure to be in my career my way and have built the kind of relationships I have because of it. I have stability because of that.

My mom is a rockstar! Just her presence made it possible for me to get through this. I was on the verge of losing it.

I have a road ahead, a road I feel really good about. It’s not one I had planned on taking, which seems to be my MO. I have a great deal of grieving ahead, but I’m ready for all of it.