Sometimes I really wonder about myself. I felt so peaceful after my first read of Solitaire by Alice Oseman. This time, I’m feeling a bit heavier.
I think I missed some of the darkness because it’s so normal to me. I had massive depression in high school and grew up in a family with a dark sense of humor as a coping skill. And yes, it was a well developed skill.
Oseman even stated that a lot of people enjoyed the novel because they felt seen and less lonely. It wasn’t about fixing anything. It’s just life for some of us. Fixes and pity don’t help.
I was both Tori and Becky in high school. Different extremes of trying to make sense of myself and life, while trying to figure out my place and being a little wild. I was a bit like Lucas, too caught up in the fantasy to see the truth. And like Michael. So much anger saddled against wonderment. The odd duck.
It’s still a wild trip to think this is the novel that started it all. How the whole Nick and Charlie universe evolved from these bit characters.
It’s refreshing to read something with dark mental health themes that isn’t actually depressing. It’s compassionate, kind, honest.
Seeing both Tori and Charlie regret not doing something when they saw their sibling struggling. To hear Charlie’s anguish for not trying to help, reminded me of conversations I have with my sister these days. I wish I had been a better sister. She reminds me we were just kids. I still tell her, I wish I had been better, and I’m so glad we’re getting better at being there for each other now.
I’m going to plow right back into Heartstopper because this novel is hitting a lot harder the second time around. I still read it in large gulps, unable to focus on much else until I finished. So I’m going to take a balm, even as we dive into darker themes in the Nick and Charlie story.
The Accidental Domestic Goddess 