I’ve taken to sleeping on the couch for almost a year now. It sounds crazy even to me. I do make it to my own bed from time to time, but it never seems to go well.
It all started because sleep is vital, and by the third kid, and our thousandth disaster, whatever it took to get everyone to sleep is what we did. So when our youngest got to sleep the fastest and with the least fuss in our bed, we let her.
While she may be getting too old by normal standards, life has been tough enough. If snuggling with her dad helps her sleep, that’s fine (even if it is trying).
This has driven me to the couch. I can’t settle with her in my room. In my space. Not most nights (some nights I do cuddle with her). I also don’t sleep well and have trouble waking up with everyone in the bed.
The other morning my husband fussed that he kept waking up because I was so hot and sweaty. One of the few nights I had made it to bed and he had terrible sleep.
As I thought about it all, I realized I’ve been sleeping on the couch because my night sweats are disturbing everyone. If I sleep alone, they don’t bother me at all.
Sure, I wake up to add or subtract layers according to my ever changing internal thermostat, but I go straight to sleep with no guilt about disturbing anyone else.
So, I guess I do have night sweats as part of my perimenopause, but it’s not bothering me!
The family is complete (for now). Each got a crochet bag to fit their personality.
I tend to take my cues from the universe and roll with things as best I can. This was a more subconscious process when I was younger and has become something I have to work on as an adult.
The way my first tarot deck and I found each other is a story unto itself. I probably never would have gotten into tarot had I started with a more traditional deck. I’ve been working against the patriarchy and sharp binaries for as long as I can remember.
The original decks accompanying book. Full sized study guide. Copyright 1986. The cards were first released in 1981.
My deck is circular, leading to more nuances. They are feminine based. For me this creates a more dynamic balance between male and female, the masculine and the feminine. For me, this deck gave duality without confining them to one or the other.
Every time I read with this deck, it’s like coming home. We know and trust each other. 25 years. It’s been a journey! For over two decades I’ve only had one deck. Then I bought one for fun. Then another, for fun. And they are both, fun decks.
Working with decks based on familiar stories was so new to me. It helped unlock a deeper understanding of tarot. Opened new ways of seeing these symbols and archetypes. Unlocked connections that never occurred to me.
I also was reminded of how unusual my first deck is.
A nice book came with this deck as well. The cards are beautiful.
Then I bought another deck. Very recently. More listening to the universe. They called, I came. This deck is inspiring me even more. Yet another way of looking at how perspective can shift meaning. I love all of my new decks.
Except, they’re not as complex as my discs. They feel confining compared to the elaborate explanations of my feminine focused deck. They’re not as homey as my open and flowing tarot.
Leave it to me to find one of the most complicated, in-depth, break-the-mold tarot decks out there to learn the art of cartomancy. As a teenager. This is my way.
The kids have entered the “Guess what” phase of youth and I’m learning all kinds of new things about their preferences. My middle child doesn’t like mashed potatoes. But she’ll eat them sometimes. My oldest doesn’t like naked chicken breast. Only breaded.
Meanwhile, my youngest was humming my praises eating away at this amazing dinner.
Three breasts in a dish.
I mixed cream of chicken soup with water, garlic, paprika, turmeric, chili powder, curry, cilantro, salt, and pepper. I cut the breasts to open them up some. Baked them for about an hour. The potatoes are from a box with a good bit of butter, made with milk and not water. The green beans were lightly seasoned.
The leftover chicken was added to a noodle pot with peas and cheese a couple days later. That was pretty amazing too. The older two liked the chicken in the pasta dish. Kids.
Chickpea and Chicken pasta with carrots and potatoes.
Having a plan is half the battle. Preparing the plan is about thirty percent. Execution is only about twenty percent! (Cleanup is another story).
I’ve tried all kinds of meal plans. Designed many over the years. The best plan is a simple and flexible one. I plan four dinners. I’m currently aiming for two crockpot dinners and two I cook that night.
Dinner leftovers turned into a burrito bowl for lunch.
To keep me fueled for workouts, and based on previous experiments with our diet, I try to create balanced meals that are easy. I also try to plan based on our needs. Busy night? Crockpot. A quieter night? I’ll cook.
I try to overlap ingredients as well to prevent waste and save money. The first week of my workout plan was shaky. By the second week, I had a plan. Pot roast, chicken and chickpeas, chicken and black bean burritos, and cranberry chicken. I figured out sides and made my list and shopped. And cried a little.
Black bean and chicken burritos.
The chicken gets baked in the oven with basic seasoning. I put everything into the crockpot and started it up. The chicken and chickpea dinner was loaded with garlic. The egg noodles seasoned with cilantro and basil. The carrots and potatoes seasoned with paprika and chili powder. The onions were soaked in red wine vinegar. It was a hit.
The burritos are always a hit. Salsa, shredded cheese, sour cream, guacamole, and salad lettuce. I cut nothing but the chicken to make dinner. Served with rice.
Rump roast.
I had really bad timing with the pot roast and forgot to put it back on to cook the next morning, so I put it in the oven to cook back up for dinner. That was also a hit. Onions, garlic, carrots, potatoes, tomato sauce, BBQ sauce, seasonings, and rump roast. Some kind of roast. They didn’t have chuck.
The last dinner, I had mixed some of that cooked ahead chicken with cranberry sauce and let it sit for several days (properly stored). By the end of the week, all I did was heat up the chicken, adding dried cranberries, whip up boxed mashed potatoes, and heat some frozen vegetables.
Cranberry chicken, cheesy mashed potatoes, cauliflower, and green beans.
The main thing is to think ahead and go with the flow. I thought we’d eat the roast one night and we ate it the next. I had meant to buy BBQ sauce for the chicken and forgot, so I’ll make something else. Tomatoes weren’t ripe at the store, so salsa instead.
I also love using leftovers for lunch, or coming up with a new version of leftovers for another dinner. That chickpea chicken was a great salad protein. The cranberry chicken was yummy with apples and cheese for another salad. I made a potato and egg bake for a weekend breakfast (with broccoli) and had those leftovers with some cranberry chicken.
I’m finally getting the rewards for all my efforts. I kept trying. Kept encouraging myself. Kept seeking information that was helpful. Here I am, almost a month in and no signs of stopping.
I’ve got three planner things. My regular calendar to keep track of appointments, schedules, and reminders. A second that I’m tracking both my financial and fitness health and goals in. Then there’s my handy, dandy, notebook where I write the headline goals for each month and plan my meals and grocery trips. The OCD gives me energy this way.
I’ve been shaping these methods for years and they’re all fairly flexible.
The workouts are focused on health, posture, mobility, and career longevity. So Tai Chi is a daily goal. 2-10 minutes a day. I average 5 minutes. I’m learning from a book using what I remember from massage school. It really helps the way I move in my daily life and in massage sessions. I have so much less pain and tension with Tai Chi. It’s also a great warmup.
I plan four workouts per week and use the same four for two weeks and then change it. My body and I get bored and don’t make gains with too much repetition.
My first two weeks were yoga, glutes/hips, upper body, and core. The yoga is fairly intense and focuses on balance, strength, and flexibility all together. As I progress I repeat sections more or increase already set repetitions.
Hips/glutes was single-leg bridges, lying clamshells, squats, and curtsy lunges. The first week I did four reps at three sets. The next I did six reps of three sets.
Upper was standing svend press and lateral dumbbell raise with 5lb dumbbells. Then reverse-grip row, bicep curls, and overhead tricep extension with 8lb dumbbells. First week was six reps of three sets; the second was eight reps of three sets.
Abs were cat/cow, supine hip lift, static dead bug, and side crunches. Both weeks were six reps for three sets.
That’s it. Nothing fancy. Small increases in some areas. All moves I enjoy doing. I’m not trying to hit any rep goals. Just aiming for doing my best without hurting myself.
I’m also still making my way through The Menopause Manifesto by Dr Jen Gunter. The more I read the more I’m motivated to be as reasonably healthy as I can be. Nutrition, exercise, and knowledge seem to be the main themes for managing perimenopause and entering menopause healthy.
We all know breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I love breakfast, but I don’t love eating before 10am. I’m a coffee and go until lunch sort of person. Except, that isn’t really working anymore.
As I near my 40th birthday and am reading The Menopause Manifesto by Dr. Jen Gunter I want to take a more proactive approach to my health and the health of my family. Food is a big part of that. I’ve watched our family turn into monsters when we eat poorly and become lovely humans when we eat well.
I’ve also started working out. Again. Only this time it’s sticking. I’m making gains. I’m feeling lighter and more stable in my body. But this means I need to eat better. Eat for fuel and nourishment, not convenience or necessity.
Smoothies have always been my best option for nutrition in the morning. Quick, easy, transportable, and no actual eating. I used to add protein powder when I was weight lifting more, but me and whey don’t agree and I can’t find an affordable alternative that I find edible.
My smoothies now include almond milk and orange juice. Every one. I like adding either avocado or banana to help make it creamy. Right now I’m using frozen black cherries, strawberries, and blueberries. I don’t change it often. This is one meal I don’t look for variety in. I can buy it all in bulk and have it on hand.
It helps that we bought a blender when the kids were little. We were going to make all kinds of things with it. It’s mostly milkshakes and smoothies. Which is really useful. And it stays on the counter.
Now that I’m having a smoothie every morning, I’m also eating lunch again. Since I’m eating lunch again, having enough energy for my workouts is possible and I’m staying motivated. It feels really good. I want to keep this up.
I’ve been trying to write something really poetic and touching about our new addition, but it’s been a couple months now and I still haven’t hit ‘publish’.
Milo about to tell our youngest that he doesn’t like belly rubs.
It’s been a bit of a learning curve for our kids. Especially our youngest. She just can’t get enough of him and he’s… well, he’s a cat.
Bird watching.
Having a pet at long last has been wonderful. Our house feels more like a home. He greets us at the door. He tolerates us picking him up for snuggles. He has his own little chair and favorite spots in the kids’ rooms.
He’s gotten very comfortable.
He fits right in with us. He’s chill. He wanders around and hangs out next to us. He likes to play a bit and loves running all over the house. I’m definitely more of a dog person, but Milo is a really cool cat.
All I know is he’s looking at my car now. I need to work tomorrow and have no idea how to get there if my car isn’t fixed. It’s still early.
I tried to start the kids’ remote instructional day with pancakes, sheet pan style, but I don’t have enough eggs. I’m out of ground flaxseed (a great substitute!). And I don’t have enough box mix to make a batch that big.
So box strawberry muffins with thawed frozen strawberries and chocolate it is instead. Almost two hours later than I had hoped.
Yummy strawberry chocolate muffins for breakfast!
It’s fine. They’re happy. Towels are in the wash. I got some dishes done. I’ve worked out three days in a row. I did my facial cupping and cold stone self-care routine last night, to help with my headaches, sinus issues, and allergies.
Burrito Bowl
Lunch got a bit delayed too. Mechanic is still looking at my car.
We had plenty of rice and some beans leftover from last night, so I put that in the oven with frozen corn, garlic, and spices. Another ‘top it yourself’ meal. I did shredded lettuce, salsa, guacamole, sour cream, and some cheddar cheese.
Towels are done. Most of the dishes washed. School work is done. Except the youngest. We’re still figuring that out. So it’s all going to be fine.
One of my best meals!
I was almost done putting dinner together (still late), when the mechanic showed up with my car! She was running just like she was supposed to. I’ve missed that purr.
So I halted dinner, drove the man back and paid him. The relief is incredible! Back home, I’m nearly dancing warming everything back up. Finally eating dinner and it was amazing! Seriously, top notch meal.
Red onions sliced and soaked in red wine vinegar and a little oil. Potatoes and baby carrots in the oven with oil, salt, pepper, and ginger. Once those were slightly softened I added orange juice.
Leftover chicken shredded into the pan with chickpeas, lots of garlic, and some chili powder. Egg noodles cooked and tossed with butter and dried cilantro. Assemble.
I did my best to stay positive today. I focused on good food and some cleaning and organizing. I believed everything would be OK and today it was.
My car is back in the garage. The kids are doing school from home because it’s too cold. Everything is very stressful right now and our food stock has been running low.
I cut the chicken up with scissors and just threw in some oil and yummy spices. And dried cilantro. Always dried and plentiful.
To cope with the stress of mounting pressures of life going wonky and the ensuing anxiety, I meal plan. The urge to cry every time I go shopping is absolutely awful, so I plan. I plan so I can budget and not have to make decisions later. I still wanted to cry when I went and followed my list. Almost double my budget, but I had figured. And I got a few staples I won’t have to buy for a while now.
Quick cook rice. Nothing fancy.
It was late and well past dinner time when everything was put away. Our oldest actually did most of that for me. It was quite nice. I got the chicken all cut up. Two batches in the oven for later in the week and a third on the stove. Then I started the rice and tossed canned beans in once the chicken was almost done.
Get your own fixing.
This is not our usual setup, but I need life simple when I can. Southwest Bean Salsa. Guacamole in these small containers, which makes me feel guilty, but we almost never throw guac away anymore. Gotta have sour cream and cheddar cheese. I also put out bag lettuce mix. I didn’t cut anything tonight. Not with a knife. And whole wheat wraps.
I did remember my sour cream after putting all my lettuce on.
Everyone else had some rice inside too. I served the wrap with cheese, chicken and beans, and rice and everyone, but the baby (the nine year old), fixed their own the rest of the way. Everyone seemed very happy. My husband was grateful for them, having a third. I was really happy too. Usually, simple is the most delicious.
Easy and amazing!
During these years of our maturing family I’m trying to keep as much as I can simple and easy. Our lives are getting more full and complex. Home should bring comfort. Food that comforts and nourishes is the best.
Now I have to go take that chicken out of the oven before I leave it all there overnight!
Shout out to all the women in their 30’s and 40’s who feel like they’ve been hijacked by their less than appealing teenage self!
Don’t get me wrong. I love aging. I love being a woman. I actually love having a cycle and having a whole process to say goodbye to it with.
But.
Parts of it suck. Those are the parts I like to examine the most. When I’m not in the throes of the kind of period I haven’t had since my wild youth.
Second Day Cramps. Maximum painkillers (that this sensitive tough person can tolerate) stopped the pain sweats. I worked with love in my heart instead of the malice that returned when the pain did.
The poops too! Seriously, there’s enough inflammation happening in there. Do we have to add extra?!
The headaches. The whininess. I HATE how whiny I get. Everything I just said is annoying me right now, but this sucks.
The moodiness, the exhaustion, the fuzzy brained spaciness thing.
The need for chocolate.
And for people to just get out of my way!
I’m also totally fine with all this. I’m going through puberty with my kids. We get to relate to each other in a whole special way. Yay!
Besides, every phase/process/passage I’ve been through as a girl up through a woman has been an epic experience of challenges and triumphs. The difficulty is where I really grow.
But right now, as I shake slightly from the wild shit happening in my body, I’m going to be grumpy. I’m going to do my dang workout, being mindful of the state of my ligaments at this phase, because I know my next period should be less earth shattering if I stay active.
I’m going to do the things that I need to do for myself tonight, grumpy and irritated the whole time, knowing I’ll feel better in the morning.
The Accidental Domestic Goddess 