Still no real news on the job front, but more tough stuff has arrived. Our oldest just got suspended for the rest of the school year. There may be charges, but we’re hopeful they see the struggle she’s in and take her young age and clean record into account. I need to schedule her some therapy and start working with her a bit more on things. Nothing really happened. It was more the perceived threat of something happening.
I feel like a failure having not seen how much she was suffering. For not having seen the signs of just how bad it was for her at school. The bullying has never stopped. And if it’s not the bullying she’s receiving, it’s the other kids being bullied that bothers her. She has given up on help from teachers and staff at school, as they are dismissive, or do not believe her. One teacher even said that a kid overreacted to a situation and they don’t realize that an overreaction is a sign of something else going on that may need to be addressed?
I’m frustrated that we are still rushing for ‘normal’ when we are losing sight of our chance to move towards something better. We should be restructuring how schools operate and what their objectives are. We should be focusing on mental health and compassion. We should be explaining the why’s of education so students who struggle may stress less about tough assignments. We know so much more about how we learn and what is necessary for a healthy adult, but haven’t changed our system in at least 100 years.
I feel like a failure because I was too preoccupied with my own mental health and our basic survival needs through most of this to have the energy left to get my daughter the help she needs. That is changing. I will be making these calls and I will get all my kids the attention they need. And my husband will begin to learn all the the things I took over and didn’t think to involve him in. They need him in the loop as much as they need me.
I know I’m not going to get this all right. I know I’m not going to know what to do sometimes. I know I can’t be perfect, but this was a hard hit. This move, new schools, new start, I know this will be good for all of us. None of us have a history here. The valley we moved from held too much history. It boxed us in. It was stifling.
We have already begun to have more family time together. The girls love being out in the yard running around. We have a robin nest with three hatchlings to observe out back and a pigeon’s nest out front. We had a fire last night and burned the brooms we hung a long time ago at the old apartment. The tv is off a whole lot more and we are working together to make this place homey.
Some massive Tower moments here (tarot reference). Time to really give our kids the childhood we’ve been striving to give them.