Dusting Off Closet Skeletons

Well, I’m reevaluating my life. My brother is a narcissist. It’s nice to have a word for it. For what my family has lived through. For what I have lived through.

Over the last several years I have been establishing boundaries with my brother that were long overdue. He moved far enough away that phone calls were all the communication we had. And they were often exhausting and getting worse.

He is a bigot who swears he’s just telling you like it is. He swears he’s got all the answers, but is an utter mess. Everyone else needs to start taking some responsibility. A master gaslighter.

One thing I’m happy about is his latest revelation. It’s absolutely horrible, but I can finally walk away. For good. I can start properly healing. I won’t be cutting it deeper with every phone call.

So many of the things that bring me a nostalgic joy are slightly tainted now, but I refuse to let him rob me of that joy and am working my way through separating it all out. I am armed with awareness, knowledge, self-compassion, friends and family support, and a husband who is doing his best to help me. He is my Rock in all of this.

See, I’m done being silent. I might still be sorting out how to say things, but silence hasn’t helped anyone. I have always been seen as someone who speaks their mind, who is open and bold. Well, buckle up. I’m just getting started. And it feels exhilarating!

Nerding Out

I may have already mentioned it a few times, but I’m a huge fan of Wonder Woman. Hers were the first comics I ever owned and the only ones I still buy. I’m not the kind of comic buff that can cite issues or plot lines. I’m more about the history, the all-encompassing representation of the feminine, the suffragette influences, the queer supporting, the sisterhood, and above all, a character that exemplifies unconditional love (it’s definitely not all pretty and soft).

Today, I took a trip to the big library a few towns over with the kids. I am determined to read more this Summer, and inspire my kids to as well. I had already picked up my three books and was helping my middle one find what she was looking for when I found this beauty.

The first book is drawn by Phil Jimenez, colored by Hi-Fi, Arif Prianto, and Romulo Fajardo Jr. These vibrantly exquisite panels are each a work of art. I’ll be taking my time on the second read to really absorb all of it.

The second book is drawn by Gene Ha, colored by Wesley Wong. These panels are much more story driven. Deceptively simple looking, the emotional tone bleeds off the pages.

The third is drawn by Nicola Scott, colored by Annette Kwok. This one feels a lot more like the comics I grew up on. Softer hues. A sort of hazy, misty, twilight or dusk coloring. Exquisite close-ups.

Kelly Sue DeConnick has delivered a masterfully crafted tale that stirs up a primal connection to a sisterhood we all remember, but often forget. She definitely went big and took up space.

Here’s my favorite part. There’s a section in the back where two of the artists write out some of their process for this piece and the author has a few things to say too. I love collaborative art. Hearing how excited and open to the process these artists were (and, I’m sure, still are) in their own words creates a deeper level of satisfaction for their art.

I knew some of these names were familiar. Romulo Fajardo Jr, Nicola Scott, and one with Hi-Fi. I’m going to have to go look them each up now.

Cross Stitch Procrastination

I have found myself home alone and had the urge to work on my two page counted cross stitch project. I have no idea what I’ll do with it in the end, but at this rate, I’ll have plenty of time to figure it out.

The amount of hours to get this far is crazy! Staring at those trees and the slightly different shades of color was making me blind, so I decided to focus on the cabin. Much more structured and mistakes are easier to catch. (Except I definitely made a mistake too large for me to care to correct it, so we’re just going to roll with it).

My motivation may be stemming from some strange self-sabotage. I really want to get the first chapter of my book done, which is apparently really hard to do with the kids around. Since I’ve got the opportunity to write uninterrupted, I’d apparently rather be counting squares.

Included in this image is my daughter’s strawberry stitch crochet blanket project. Her notebook and pencil. Some spare yarn recently unearthed. A popcorn bag that my youngest just had to have before leaving her grandparents’ house a few days ago and was just brought in from the car. My at-home ceramic hot stone set. The screwdriver that removed the screws from the laptop hidden under the box that holds the new battery. And the early Spring tablecloth because I still haven’t put Spring away. Just a normal dinning room table.

Ok, so I actually did try to write. I was just getting into the groove, making small tweaks along the way, when the laptop battery started dying. I have a replacement because it’s not holding a charge anymore and so started unscrewing the back, took a while to figure out how to start prying it apart, and got stuck at the hinge. I’m afraid I’ll break it if I try any harder.

I’m going to have to wait until my husband and the kids get home to see if he can help. That’s his area anyway.

Guess I’ll just have to put on Murdoch Mysteries and continue with my counting stitches. Oh well. I tried.

Two Books Done

I finished rereading the first two books in the Fever series by Karen Marie Moning. It was like sliding back into a familiar skin. Each time I read, the written world opened up around me.

I love the way she describes things. There is enough imagery to spark your own imagination and then she backs off, deliberately letting you see what you see. I remember the visions I created years ago, during my first time through. This time was just as good.

The main character starts off bubbly, bright, and pink galore. Then her sister is killed in another country and she sets off to find out what happened. Sounds like the plot of a murder mystery, right? Except it turns out to be a bigger mystery with light and dark fairies (Fae) and the fate of the world.

Watching Mac learn, grow, and toughen in her new environment is satisfying. She makes blunders, but learns. Yet she still fights to maintain herself through it all. Her inner dialogue is real and raw. An honesty no one else is privy to. It’s intimate.

These first two books are definitely romance genre, but they’re not what I always thought of when I imagine romance novels. It’s not about falling in love with someone and making passionate love, or lusting after someone and doing it with abandon. It’s about intimacy. Self-discovery. Being in charge of your own wants and needs. Indulging in the feelings, but not necessarily acting on them.

Two books in and we’re still building up to a release. A decade or so ago, I may have been frustrated by this. In fact, I did get frustrated by stories that teased for this long. Now… now I appreciate it. Now I have a better sense of why patience pays. Why sometimes never starting is the better idea. And why, sometimes, the wait makes it all the more satisfying.

I Needed a Bag

I’ve started bringing my own supplies in for my second massage job. As I was packing everything up, I realized I don’t have a bag that really works for this task. So I decided to make one. Of course.

I need something really durable and able to hold some weight easily. I have an idea for a cotton mat to hold my marble stones that will roll out. They can be heavy. So I’m doing a double layered stitch thing. Mixing rows of double-strand with an overlap set should help keep it strong.

I’m having fun with it, but because I decided to get all complicated it’s going to take longer than I thought. I’m going to add pockets inside for different items too. That way they’re not all rolling around and spilling onto each other.

I’m not quite sure how I’m going to do the handles or strap for this. I definitely want to be able to easily carry it in my hand, but also appreciate the option to sling it over a shoulder to keep my hands free. Both options need to be weighted correctly so I don’t hurt myself. All part of the fun!

Bottom-of-the-Barrel Pasta

That’s what I’m calling tonight’s dinner. I haven’t done the grocery shopping yet. I had no plan in place. I’m tired. It’s raining. The sink is full of dishes, and we need to eat.

I put water on the stove and set the oven to 425° Fahrenheit. Cut up the zucchini that was left from earlier this week and rinsed a can of kidney beans. Those got mixed with oil, salt, pepper, and garlic powder and put in to cook while the pasta softened in the water.

Once the pasta was done, I kept some of the water in and added frozen peas and fresh spinach that was still hanging out in the fridge. I added dried thyme, parsley, and cilantro to the zucchini and cooked it some more.

Then, I mixed it all together with real garlic and shredded Parmesan. Perfection. This is really a lazy meal. I set stuff to cook and walked away. Came back to mix and check. Walked away. Mixed it all up and served it.

I’ll get to the store tomorrow. I don’t know that I can scrape together another winner with what’s left.

Color Motivation

I’ve got to find some better lighting for these pictures. The colors aren’t being captured quite right.

However, I am enjoying the dark amethyst with the self-striping cotton. You can see the next color peeking through from under the white in the cotton ball- a sign of progress that is the perfect motivator.

I did have a stretch of mis-crosses. They were all twisting the wrong way. Nothing I can’t rectify. This is the first time I grouped the loose strands with crochet markers. It was easier to keep track of what row I was on with them.

I also repeated a row I wasn’t supposed to and think I’ve created a really cool braided knot. I may or may not tinker with it for the final pattern, but for this piece I’m going to alternate between the two variations.

So, I’m still having a lot of fun and am excited to get it long enough to begin making the arm hole. That’s going to be fun!

Summer Meals

Pasta salads are one of my favorite meals to have on hand during the warm season. Make a big batch and lunch or dinner is ready to go throughout the week. This is a Greek salad with feta, olives, peppers, tomatoes, and cucumbers. I did a big batch of chicken in the crockpot to use for the week as well and added that to this.

I also used the same chicken for this BBQ, mandarin orange, and raspberry salad. I baked and shredded the chicken with BBQ sauce. The salad also had eggs, avocado, cucumbers, three kinds of lettuce, and balsamic vinaigrette dressing. One of my favorites.

For a change of pace we had sausage in the middle of the week. Everything was baked in the oven. About 20 minutes of just the potatoes. Another 20 minutes of potatoes and sausage. Another 20 minutes with the zucchini and yellow squash. I’m getting hungry just looking at it. Good thing I made enough to have leftovers.

Progress So Far…

I’m enjoying the witchy vibe I’m getting from the mix of green and purple on this. Using two yarns has definitely given me the weight I’m looking for. And I keep checking the size, but it should be wide enough for what it will become.

It’s very soft and a joy to knit. I’m very happy with how the cables are working up together.

When I want a less involved knit, I pull this sweater out. I’m pretty pleased with this design and love the relaxed look.

They’re coming along and I’m looking forward to the journey. Now for some News Radio, decaf coffee, and more knitting.

Another Design in the Works

I have reached a place with the Folded Grapes Sweater (I’m trying out different names for it) that my mind has space for a second project. Cue the graph paper!

It’s messy and only a loose idea of what it became, but graphing it helps me visualize how everything sits together. Once I had this image to work with, I grabbed some leftover yarn and knit up my ideas.

With these two visuals, I sat down and wrote out the pattern. First, a basic stitch pattern for the set-up row. Then, the four row repeat of this wrap, using letters to represent the cable sections. Then I wrote out the three cable patterns (one is a mirror of another) and color coded with stitch markers. To keep track, I have three tally spots. One for the whole project, one for the mirror cables, and one for the center cable.

Originally, I was only going to use the deep purple acrylic yarn, but it is a lighter weight and I want this to feel heavy-ish. I found two skeins of the same cotton in complementary colors. I’m hoping that between the double stranding and cabling I’ll achieve the heft I’m going for.

So this will be my version of Elora Dannon’s hooded wrap from the new Willow. I love the look of simple knits, but by adding cables I’ll be able to stay stimulated enough to keep going. I’m also rather enjoying the double color. Each change is something to look forward to.