Wednesday Anxiety

It never fails. Every Wednesday my anxiety skyrockets and puts me in a chokehold. No matter the tasks I accomplish, or the ones I don’t, I’m smothered under the weight of it.

Sometimes it’s the weight of all the things I need to do. Other times, it’s the fear that I must be missing something because I can’t possibly have gotten everything done-even if I have. Either way I shift between sitting frozen in panic and wandering the house trying to do things but never getting started the whole day.

It’s extremely frustrating. I have worked so hard on managing my anxiety, that to be so stuck with this new (and yet familiar) variation of it, I feel disappointed. My OCD has increased, yet is still easier to handle than this ridiculous level of steady panic.

I know what helps, but I lack the motivation I used to have. I baked all the time when the kids were little. Even when I worked full time. From scratch, which is a lot easier than I was led to believe. Plus, once you have the supplies, it’s easy to make all kinds of things.

I cooked nearly every meal from scratch. Again, easier than I was led to believe once I got in the swing of it. My OCD came in handy here as I got really good at making meal plans that created a grocery list where nothing really went to waste. I knew what to keep in stock at home and mapped my list to match the store’s layout for a quicker experience.

I was able to workout several times a week and the kids forced me to be more active. My husband was great at getting us out for walks, as much as we complained, they helped and we all had a better evening.

I think it started with my kidney stones. They were so incapacitating. So painful. I stopped. I actually let people take care of me and take on my responsibilities. I was out of work for a while. We were living on my income. I can feel myself growing less anxious just admitting that. We got through it, with a lot of help.

I got a lot done today. A few more things and I should have some time to relax before the kids get home. Then into a hectic evening. At least my Thursday is free. And usually free of anxiety too. At least the high level kind.