Outta Hand

I’ve got my work cut out for me this year. The House and I finally figured out what we want to do with these garden beds, but I mostly let it go the past couple years. Basically, since we moved in.

You can see the straw-like plant hugging our front porch. It’s a grass, and the whole family is allergic. I’ve dug up four or five of them already (two today, the others over the years). There are still about five to go. They are beasts. Although, we’ve come to an agreement. They think an herb garden will be perfect. So they’re cooperating with me now.

This will be the main event. Kitchen herbs in the back, healing herbs in the front. I’m not sure what this tree/bush is, but the white flowers are beautiful. I’m digging the border rocks out one little section at a time. It’s so satisfying.

I’ve got to be careful, though. Once I get started, I just keep going. I started in the compost pit, where I previously found a very large vine tree growing up the add-on shed to the garage. I’ve been hacking at that with hedge and branch clippers a few times. It had gotten really comfortable.

I can’t blame the plant. Between two summers of grass clippings and random debris I did get to clearing, there’s a heap of good soil in there.

Then I started cutting down the grass plants to be easier to dig up. I moved a bunch of cuttings I let sit from last year. Dug up flowers growing where they shouldn’t. Cut down more tall grass. Dug two grass plants out and hauled them back to the pit. It feels good.

I’m going to be sore tomorrow. Especially if I don’t get some stretching in tonight. What a workout!

Round Two

It took nearly all of March for me to get through two rounds of my five day plan. I’m ok with that and am delighted I completed ten days. I’m aiming to be at least that successful in April, if not better.

I’ve learned to have a good warmup, a short and sweet routine, and an excellent stretch in between and after. It’s led me to the best results and the least amount of injury.

Today was abs, but I forgot how much the shoulders and hips get involved with this routine. I warmed up with an air/water yoga flow that would help wake everything up. Then into the workout with an 8lb dumbbell for the first two moves and a 5lb one for the last.

After each set, I use the stretches that will be my cool down, but focus more on keeping warm and my fascia mobile than on relaxing. The second set always feels the best. The moves easier. More familiar.

Into the third set, I’m so grateful I’m almost done. The strain becoming more obvious at the end of each exercise. Then I’m done with the hard part and I can stretch deep now.

It’s only a few poses and I don’t do them all. Or I add in what I know I need. Like some bridge variations for my hips today. I breathe deep and allow myself to soak up those happy endorphins.

After some water, I’m ready to tackle all the household tasks I’ve been avoiding all day.

Library Haul

Wolf Hollow and sequel My Own Lightning. White Bird, The War That Saved My Life, Flooded, and The Hidden Witch.

The kids were so excited for a trip to the library. With their school teachers’ help, my kids are falling back in love with reading. I should have them start keeping a list of their favorites.

My middle one is hard to help. I’ve struggled to pin down what exactly keeps her engaged. She struggles to explain it herself. Today we had some major success with one of the librarians. Historical fiction, poetry, and graphic novels. It was wonderful seeing her light up over books.

Time Museum, Spirited, Super Buba Cafe, Warriors graphic novel.

My youngest has never really lost her love of reading, so she was right at home finding everything she wanted. Then she went to play with the toys and decided it was awfully messy and set about cleaning up while I helped her sister. This kid is growing in leaps and bounds this year.

My oldest is absolutely loving every inch of freedom and independence they’re earning. Sometimes they test and push, but the library is a privilege they don’t want to lose. I checked in once, but let them roam on their own.

Rage: True Stories by Teens About Anger, two Invader Zim comic volumes.

It cracks me up that our kids forgot their father and I introduced them to Invader Zim. They thought they just discovered it one day. We were introduced by a friend who lent us the DVDs early in our marriage. We watched a lot of movies and shows back then. When we weren’t at work.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Wonder Woman

Even though I have plenty at home to read, I thought it’d be fun to try the Buffy comics. Whatever this version is looked the best of the three story lines on the shelf. I’m also always looking for more Wonder Woman. I don’t like every author or artist’s variation of her, so I’m hopeful I’ll like these.

It was really nice to relax at the library with my kids. They had a good time and we’ve all got plenty to keep us entertained for a few more days.

Unexpected Mom and Daughter Day

Just some egg cartons and freshly planted seeds.

The plan had been for the kids and I to go out today, but I was just too tired from our family errands day yesterday. Plus, I still had to take the youngest to a party and then run some of my own errands later anyway.

So it was a quiet morning alone for a bit and then my youngest was up and we had some breakfast. Then she helped me plant some seeds. I’m trying to be better about letting her do things to help, as opposed to taking over and her just watching me.

After that, I went to rest and she started cleaning the bathroom. Scrubbed the sink and the toilet. Usually, when she’s alone making little noises in the bathroom, she’s making a mess of something. Not today.

Then she cooked herself noodles for lunch, with a little help from me. Shortly after, we were getting ready for the party, where she had fun. I had a weird time and went to too many stores. Got home and remembered I still hadn’t gotten sweet potatoes for lunch at the in-laws tomorrow. Back out I went.

What had started as a nice day, was turning me sour. I did dishes to cook dinner. More dishes to serve dinner. Took care of laundry and then rested. My youngest was restless and began poking her preteen siblings.

We’ve never gotten the stove so clean.

As a distraction, I got the empty spray bottles and household supplies and we made cleaning sprays. I remembered to trust her with some of the steps. She was so excited to try them out and we were both delighted by how well they worked. It warmed my heart and I was back to having a wonderful day with my kid.

All-Purpose Spray

4 Tbsp vinegar, 2 tsp baking soda, 4 drops each of lavender, rosemary, and lemongrass essential oils, and about 4 cups warm water.

Why?!!

Why are my kids the best conversationalists at bedtime? They pull me in with tales of their day, epic philosophic quandaries, societal observations, and enticing insights of their inner world. Meanwhile, my brain is turning to mush.

My nearest and dearest know that, since I became a mom of three, I turn into a pumpkin at 9pm. I’m still animating this organic machine I’ve been given, but my operating system begins the shutdown process on the dot.

My thoughts start tumbling around like drunks on a ship, slurring speech and bumping into everything. Then my kids come at me with their hyped up, bedtime adrenaline conversations and all the drunks in my head started clamoring to get their responses in. It gets messy.

If only we could get all these conversations handled at dinner time. If only I could find the magic recipe to get them to settle at night. But they are my children. I’ve always functioned better at night. Until I had three of them.

Sometimes I do get the chance to stop and listen for a bit. There’s often a pause where I feel time diverging, and I can choose to sit and enjoy my kid for a few minutes, or I can wander off and do whatever chore I was getting to. In those moments, I can feel the future of each choice. I’m aiming for the future where I don’t regret missed opportunities for everyday, regular moments with my kids.

This is what I remind myself of when they’re spouting a mile a minute while I’m exhaustedly tucking them in, or saying goodnight. While they’re sucking me in with their word tornadoes.

These are some of those moments you don’t think you’ll miss when they’re gone.

February Reads

I did not get through a whole lot of books this month. After Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi, I just couldn’t settle on anything. Then, I got a project idea.

Well, it’s an old idea that’s been brewing and I’ve been trying out for some years now. I just might have finally nailed down my approach.

I want to create a beginner style workbook to living with an awareness of how everything is connected. Each season will focus on different aspects of healing, gardening, and spirituality related to that cycle with a different country or culture included in each month. It’s requiring a lot of research. And I’m loving it.

I’m also going through it with my kids as I create it. Seeing what works and what doesn’t. I’m making lots of adjustments through the Spring section so far, but I’m hoping that means the next season will be easier.

Basically, this means that I did not read any other books in February, except for the many volumes I skimmed through and reread passages repeatedly from for this project. It may have added up to more, but I’m going to count all of my research as two books.

That gives me three books for February. The count I keep is purely for self encouragement. I have always been really hard on myself and have learned ways to be kinder and more honest instead. If I didn’t count all that research reading, I’d be dishonest about what I have accomplished. By counting it as 2 books, I can get a clearer sense of my achievement. That feels way better than only counting the one book I read completely and ignoring the hundreds of pages I read selectively. More honest.

Happy reading, and remember to be kind.

Muscle Memory

It’s a wild sensation to feel your body sliding back into place. To feel the jutted and stacked posture and have your whole body go, “oh no, darling, let’s just tidy you back up.” And then you realign your spine and joints, and it feels so good!

Because you CAN realign yourself!

I’ve gone back to the basics and am working on my form. Remembering how my body moves and learning where I’m at right now.

I’m focusing on hip mobility and stability.

I’m building strength in my shoulders, chest, and back to help those muscles lift me up and support my neck better.

I’m retraining my legs to remember how to be a strong and steady support base for all of me.

It’s been feeling great!

I’ve also established reasonable goals with a few lofty ones mixed in. I want to do three ‘workouts’ a day. Simple yoga or Tai Chi in the morning, workout in the afternoon, and deep yoga in the evening. If I get at least one of those done, I did enough to feel good. It’s more than I have been doing.

I’ve also kept my workouts short so I can accomplish three sets. Three is the magic number.

I do all 3-5 moves straight through and then do some focused dynamic stretching as a rest between sets. It’s my whole momentum thing. Once I get moving, I keep moving. It’s also a lot easier to get myself to do the last set knowing I only have to do 4-8 repetitions.

After, I always stretch to cool down. I really love this part and can get really caught up. The harder the workout, the more I want to stretch because I am not dealing with being sore later. Or stiff.

Each session I focus on everything I just used and whatever I used during the last workout.

Strength training stresses the muscles, which is how we build them. However, if we don’t help our body process that stress, it will stick around and constrict our muscles. We lose mobility and therefore our strength. Our power. So I only do stretches or yoga postures that help my mind and body connect and heal.

I have no set time frame. Just five routines with different focuses. I get through them at my own pace and then repeat once more, at my own pace. I try not to have more than two days of rest between workouts because my momentum begins to wane if I do.

But if I need rest, I need rest. So I take it. I’m getting older and I’m trying to follow the example of the many thriving elders that I’ve known over the years. Rest is good.

So that’s some of what’s working for me at the moment. I’m feeling much more grounded and free. I’m definitely holding better form at work. And driving. And while doing yard work.

Bring on Spring!

Weird Week

I just didn’t want to this week. I knew I had things to do. Places to be, appointments to keep, and chauffeuring that needed to be done. But I really didn’t want to.

Each of my days off started gloomy and rainy. When I got home from taking everyone everywhere, I just couldn’t get motivated to tackle any task.

Sure, I did some research and outlining for a new book project I’ve given myself. I did run a couple errands one day. And I did get dressed and handle driving people around.

The afternoons were different. The sun would come out and start drying out the day. By the time the kids and their father got home, I was ready for evening chores, homework, dinner, family time. It was a whole different mood.

Instead of being hard on myself, I kept cheering myself on and reminding myself that once I get going, momentum takes over. Instead of bullying myself over what I wasn’t getting done, I listed off all the things I had done.

It worked. I took care of what I could and will get to what I couldn’t soon. I have a lot on my plate and I really am doing the best I can. As long as I’m doing that, I can rest when I need to.

For as depressed and unmotivated as I was these last couple days, I’ve worked out and stretched. Possibly part of what helped turn my afternoons around. Gotta get that body moving!

Coping with my Brain

I’ve always known I think differently than most people. It has been jarringly obvious in so many areas. But I was also surrounded by strange thinking people in my youth, so it was usually allowed and encouraged, until it got frustrating.

I learned early I had to work harder than everyone else. I really didn’t mind. I loved studying and figuring things out on my own. Always curious. Always observing. Always missing what everyone else was getting.

This current phase of my life comes with its own style of strange brain. A dystopian reality is hard enough to exist in. Now I have to adjust my coping skills, self-care routines, parenting level, and plan my next career as well!

My life philosophy is mostly to make a few plans, do some research, then follow the flow of life, reassess, and begin again. The less I fight the universe, the better life seems to work out. Usually. I can’t account for loved ones who still struggle against the flow.

This sounds great on paper, but can drive loved ones crazy. I need the right set of circumstances to accomplish certain tasks. Knowing this, I have fiddled with my schedule until I found one that gives me windows where these circumstances are possible regularly. Phone call days require lots of rest before and after. The hardest task I have.

As I come out of recovery from an exhausting illness, I have to start getting back on track with all my responsibilities and plans. Spring is on its way and I’m ready to start some yard projects that are long overdue!

Most importantly, I’ve stopped shaming myself and being angry about my style of operation. This is the brain I’ve got and it just works differently. When I let go of judgement and show myself compassionate encouragement, I get a lot more done. Allowing myself to rest when I need it has been powerful.

One Sleeve Down

The benefit of being so sick I have to stay mostly in bed, but well enough to knit is the amount of progress I can make on a project.

Starting as a loose idea and some mixed yarn choices I’ve ripped out and reworked every step at least once. After looking at it with my sister, I figured out what to do and I’m loving it.

I think I figured out what I’m doing for the collar. I’ve always kind of had a hazy idea, but now that I’m almost to it, it’s finally settled down in my mind.

Back to some bed rest, Northern Exposure, and knitting.